Emotional Roller Coaster

First I want to warn anyone who reads this that I am not a writer. I will get jumbled with my words, mess up grammar, and forget basic English when I'm writing in the middle of the night. So in advance... I apologize.

Now it's time to introduce you to Katie... Me. I've always been an emotional girl who wears my very tender heart on my sleeve. My emotions have always been like a roller coaster. When I am happy I can truly let myself feel pure joy and happiness. And when I'm sad I feel that sadness so deep. It's a blessing & a curse. I feel bad for my mom. It must have been exhausting to raise emotional little Katie. I can't even imagine teenage me! Sorry mom!

I have been teased about it a lot growing up. When I was young I denied it & didn't really see it as a positive thing. But as I grew up, lived life, gained experience & got to know myself better, I became to not just accept my emotional side, but to love it. I love that I can really let myself love my husband or feel so deeply about my children. I love that I can cry for others when they are hurting. Or that I get so excited about the big & little things. And I love that I get very upset & sometimes angry & defensive when myself, loved ones or sometimes strangers are mistreated. I'm very protective!

I know people who either don't let their emotions out or who don't know how. I feel sorry for them. Without experiencing the downs you can't truly experience the ups.

You might be wondering what my point is in telling you I'm naturally an emotional person. Here it is... Depression is not an emotion! When you hear someone say "I feel depressed." it's not the same as "I feel happy/sad." For me it's more then how I'm emotionally feeling. I feel it physically. I know my problems may be small compared to others. When I have bad days I feel less hopeful, I'm tired & weak. I have body aches & I'm sleepy. And the hardest part is I feel extremely guilty that I can't make it all go away. Any insecurity that I have seems to be intensified 10x's! Luckily I don't get so bad that I stay in bed. But for that day all I can get done is the stuff I want to do (take care of my children, eat lots of chocolate & salty stuff). It's a vicious cycle...

And the funny part is that I am always trying to find the silver lining! I've always been like that. Always been an optimist trying to find the good in the bad. So when I'm having a crap day & I don't feel too dandy I am still trying to talk myself out of it with my optimistic inner self that is being shoved deep down. That's when my emotional roller coaster goes from being "Woohoo" to a "AAAAAHH!!!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!" kind of coaster.

So I hope all my rambling has made some sense. I think writing it all down helps me. And I hope it might help you.

Let yourself feel. Let your emotions out. Realize the blessing it is. Enjoy your own emotional ride. I just hope it's the "Woohoo" kind. But if you are having a crap day... Hold on tight! Eat the chocolate! Take a nap! And remember we are not alone in this.